Love Lessons: Punch-Drunk Love
by clagjanet
Summary: One in a series of completely chronologically out-of-order stories about Lee striving to comprehend domestic life. This one is set post-series and is somewhat an answer to a story challenge set out by Whitefeather1965 for a story where someone is drunk.


Disclaimer: none of these characters belong to me; they belong to Shoot the Moon Enterprises and Warner Bros to whom I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to take them out for a spin and bit of light humour.

A Love Lessons story: stories which revolve around the theme of Lee trying to figure out what this "normal" thing is.

Somewhat in response to Whitefeather1965's challenge for a story where a character is falling down drunk.

* * *

 **Punch-Drunk Love**

"Does Phillip want to be picked up already?" Lee cocked an eyebrow at Amanda as she hung up the phone.

"No," she yawned. "He was calling to ask if I could come at 11:30 instead of midnight so we can drive his friend Michael home before his curfew too."

"Are you going to make it to then?" he laughed softly as she settled back against the crook of his arm with a sigh that was a little too relaxed.

"It's fine. I've always told both of them I'd come get them no matter how late it was. If I don't do it when they're this age, they won't call when they're older." She leaned up to give him a kiss. "And Michael's house isn't so far out of the way – I'll be home and in bed before midnight myself, just like Cinderella."

"No you won't," said Lee in a firm tone.

"I won't?"

"No, I'll go get him – he should know he can call either of us, instead of always expecting you to be the parent."

"Aww, Sweetheart, you know he thinks of you as a parent – it's just habit to expect his mom." She gave him another soft kiss on the cheek. "But I am going to go let you go get him – I can barely keep my eyes open." She relaxed against him for a moment, then sat up and tapped him on the chest. "But no teasing him about whatever went on – you just try and remember what it was like to be sixteen, okay?"

"Yes, Dear."

Two hours later, Lee pulled the Wagoneer up in front of the house where the party was taking place. Amanda knew the parents of the birthday boy and she'd been willing to relax the curfew for that reason, but Lee had indeed been a sixteen year old once and he had his own reasons for wanting to come pick Phillip up himself.

There was a twitch of curtains as he pulled up and then the front door opened and the silhouettes of Phillip and his friend Michael appeared against the light. He watched them make their goodbyes and then pick their way carefully down the dark front path to the sidewalk.

Phillip opened the front door and folded his newly gangly body – he'd shot up six inches in as many months - into the car, then looked up in surprise when he saw who was driving. "Oh hi, Lee. I thought Mom was coming?" It wasn't an accusation the way it might have been in the early days, but Lee could tell he was still surprised.

"Your mom was tired – I volunteered."

Michael meanwhile had fumbled for a moment with the door handle before flinging it open and collapsing into the back seat with a sigh. When he glanced up and saw Lee in the front seat, he straightened up immediately. "Oh hi, Mr. Stetson. I – uh – I just couldn't get in for a second. Our car has a different kind of handle."

"No problem," said Lee agreeably. "You're in now, that's what counts, right?"

"Yeah," said Michael in a relieved tone. "So you're going to drive me home too?"

"I am. You're over off Old Dominion Road, right?" Lee waited for both of them to finish doing up their seatbelts and then put the car in gear.

There was silence for a few minutes, which wasn't entirely unexpected from Phillip who had entered his not-quite-sullen-but-moody years, but normally Michael was very talkative and for a moment, Lee wondered if something had happened back at the party.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked, wincing at what a dad-like sentence that sounded like.

"Yeah" came the quiet chorus from both boys. There was another beat of silence and just as Lee was about to ask another question to try and draw them out, Michael had leaned forward, tapped Phillip on the shoulder and said "Did you see Dalton trying to get Emma to go out with him?"

It was like a dam had burst as both boys began chattering like magpies about the party, and their friends, and who liked who, and who stood a chance of getting anywhere. Lee drove silently, grinning occasionally at the banter, especially at the unusually vocal Phillip. Ten minutes later, they pulled up in front of Michael's house and watched him find his way up the darkened driveway to his back door.

"So whadda ya think?" Lee asked softly, head ducked down almost onto Phillip's shoulder so he could see past him to watch Michael trying to find the keyhole in the dark. "Are his parents waiting up for him? And are they going to notice how drunk he is?"

His lips twitched as he saw Phillip stiffen beside him and slowly swivel in his seat to stare at him wide-eyed, almost nose-to-nose.

"You know?" he breathed out, and Lee let loose with a full grin then.

"I knew the minute you started to walk down the front path back at the party very _very_ carefully. But Michael not being able to open a car door was the clincher."

"Oh." He could see Phillip still trying to puzzle out how that had tipped Lee off.

Lee watched Michael wave a little bit too jauntily from the back door and disappear before he pulled away from the curb and headed for home. "So what were you drinking? Beer?"

"Well we started with that, but it's gross!" Suddenly Phillip sounded exactly like the ten year old he'd been when Lee had first seen him and he had to stifle a laugh.

"It's an acquired taste," agreed Lee. "I'll warn you now, you won't like Scotch either, so you can just avoid my bottle at home." He glanced over at the boy who was slumped against the window. "So if you didn't like the beer, what were you drinking?"

"There was some kind of Kool Aid punch that Sam's mom made," admitted Phillip.

"She made it with alcohol?" Lee was actually kind of shocked by that and wondered what Amanda would say.

"Oh no – someone added something later. Not me!" Phillip rushed to add.

"And how much did you drink?"

Phillip slumped a little deeper in his seat. "Oh, four or five glasses, I guess."

"Uh-huh. And how big were the glasses?"

More shuffling beside him. Lee kept his face forward but gave little peripheral checks on the boy beside him.

"Ooooohhhhh. Like our milk glasses at home."

Lee did turn to look at him then. "And you drank _five_ big glasses of it?"

"Yeah." Phillip was looking a little green around the gills now and Lee had to look away quickly before he started to laugh.

"So how are you feeling now?" He had a pretty good idea based on the current expression on his stepson's face.

"Not so great," Phillip admitted.

"Yeah, maybe not so much next time, hey?"

"Yeah." Silence and then, "Are you going to tell Mom?"

"Probably not. She'd just worry about you."

"Thanks."

There was another long silence and Lee began to think it was possible that Phillip wasn't as drunk as he'd originally thought. Until that is, to Lee's intense amusement, Phillip reached over to ruffle his hair and say solemnly, "Thanks for not being mad, Lee," before flopping back against the car door.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you stuck to your promise to call home, but seriously – not so much next time, ok?"

They arrived back at Maplewood Drive a few minutes later and Lee watched as Phillip downed the large glass of water he'd handed him along with a couple of aspirin.

"Now refill that and keep it by your bed. And take the bathroom trashcan and put it by your bed," he instructed. As Phillip headed out of the kitchen towards the stairs, he called out after him, "And Chief? If you keep one foot on the floor once you're in bed, it keeps the room from spinning."

His stepson turned to look at him for a moment as if he was trying to decide if Lee was putting him on.

"Really," said Lee encouragingly. There was a beat and then Phillip sighed and trudged out of the room and upstairs. Lee took a moment to put the aspirin away, chuckling, before turning out the light and heading upstairs as well.

Amanda was asleep already so he slipped into the room quietly, undressing in the master bathroom and trying to be as quiet as he could as he got ready for bed. Despite his efforts, as he slid between the sheets, Amanda snuggled into him straight away and murmured, "Everyone home in one piece?"

"Yeah," he whispered back. "Safe and sound." He pulled her into his arms, nuzzling her face softly, still enthralled after all this time at how perfectly her body fit against his. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

Amanda gave a soft chuckle. "Oh I wasn't going to fall asleep until I got to hear how drunk he is."

Lee pulled back to stare into her laughing brown eyes. "You knew he'd be drinking?"

"Lee, he's sixteen years old at his first teenage house party. Of course, he was drinking!"

"And you're not upset?"

She stroked his cheek, amused by his confusion. "He asked to be driven there, he promised to call for a ride home – which he did and he even made sure his friend got home too. If I got upset, he's just be sneakier next time and I'd have to worry more. Sam's parents were home – they said they'd keep an eye on them and make sure it didn't get out of hand."

"Sam's parents _knew_?"

"Well, they knew there was a good chance of it. They told all the parents up front they'd look the other way as long as the kids behaved and that they wouldn't let anyone drive."

Lee flopped back on the pillow, staring at her with astonishment before he started to laugh. "I wish you'd been my mom. Uncle Robert just about went ballistic the first time I rolled home in that state."

Amanda got up on one elbow, smiled and ran her fingers gently down his chest. "Really? You wish I'd been your mom?"

Lee glanced down to take in the extremely sexy nightgown he hadn't noticed when he'd first slipped into the bed, then back up to meet her sparkling eyes. "No, not really," he answered as he pulled her closer.


End file.
